February 1, 2017

This morning I slightly broke. It was this time three years ago Tracey’s house burnt down. She lost everything. I remember how worthless she felt days after that deep, dark flame destroyed everything she ever owned. Ironically, it was almost a metaphor on her last three months of life; dark, cloudy, and gone so quickly.

I sadly texted my other sister who now cares for Tracey’s two young boys a screenshot of her Facebook post which explained Tracey’s predicament and told her I couldn’t stop crying . She responded word for word, “Omg! OUR poor Tracey. She’s free now just remember that.” I broke harder, the tears came rolling down my face, my heart wept over the pain my sister suffered those last three months of her life and I couldn’t stop thinking the only thing she ever cared about were her two boys. I immediately thanked her for taking care of them. Because of her, they now have an amazing and “normal” life. She replied, “I know, that’s why I love them like they were her.”  And she’s right, because of those two boys we have little Traceys walking around everyday. Young reminders of her pure, artistic heart leaving trails of her soul in everything they touch.

Some would say it’s a coincidence, but today I literally watched the light bulb in my room quickly burn out and the only light I had was sunshine. I knew that meant she was there, speaking to me, subtlety reminding me the only light I need simply comes from within. It’s my special power. It’s the one that brightens up any room and puts a smile on other people’s faces. The one that loves so deeply and judges so minimally.

As life goes on without my sister, I’m terrified our memories together will slip away and I will forget her, but just because she is gone physically, doesn’t mean she is gone spiritually. Honestly, I don’t remember all our times spent together but her story is embedded in me, it is me. It changed my life for the better and it is now my duty to share it with others in hopes it may change, influence or save someone.

This morning was extremely emotional, but I flourished.


One comment

  1. I remember this exactly three years ago 💔 You couldn’t write this more perfectly I love you and I love your blog. I’m sad I moved away shortly after all of this happened but I’m still with you girls miles away. I remember the day of Tracey’s birthday I text Debbie because the first person I thought of that morning was Tracey and I didn’t even know it was her birthday, what a beautiful soul. I’m so happy the boys are doing so well and we get to have a little bit of Tracey in each of them. – Love Jannette xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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